Monday, September 25, 2006

Gluttony

I am a glutton. I am incapable of keeping anything I really love in the house without needing to consume it in large quantities, usually in a series of closely-spaced sittings until it’s all gone and can torment my willpower no longer. The concept of enjoying just one small piece is not something I am familiar with; I have to have the whole thing, or at least as much as I can digest in one go. After the guzzling, the inevitable bloated feeling sets in…. and the guilt, oh the guilt.

This terrible weakness is the reason why I have devoured all twenty-seven episodes of the first series of Desperate Housewives in a week. In the early evening I could hear the box of DVDs calling out to me: “Watch us, watch us, you know you want to.” And so I would watch. Sometimes four episodes back-to-back, until my eyes were red and bleary and I quite simply could ingurgitate no more of the goings-on in Wisteria Lane.

The intensive viewing even led to hallucinations — a spotty guy on a bike whizzed past me and for a eeny-teeny moment I was sure it was Zack. I almost raised my hand to wave. Sometimes two binge-viewed series got a little muddled and I ended up wondering if Meredith and her friends couldn’t do something for poor Rex as he lay dying on his hospital bed.

A fellow sufferer recently asked which of the Desperadas I identify with most. Now, I would really love to be able provide a little frisson to this blog and claim that, "actually, I feel very close to Gabriella...." but we all know that I am Lynette. I can only be the harassed mother of very active children, I will never be the nubile Latina in silk pyjamas. Neither will I ever be Bree of the perfect house and silverware, nor the dizzy Susan.

Only I bet that even Lynette wouldn’t be seen dead in a script indulging in junk-TV benders and from now on, that’s it, neither will I. That boxed set of the first series of Lost can call out its siren song all it likes. I’m on a strict diet and will not give in to the lure of a couple of hours of pure, sickly-sweet escapism. I have much more worthy things to do.

Until the cravings set in, that is ...

15 comments:

JTVAA said...

Dear Lesley,

We'd like to invite you to the inaugural meeting of Junk-TVAddicts Anon. We are a non-profit, non-demoninational, non-judgemental group of people with one thing in common; we watch far too much junk tv.

Join us, share your story, find like-minded people to support you through your moments of weakness. We will help you.

The first step in our program is merely to accept that there is a Higher Power and that His name is Matthew Fox. Take Matthew Fox into your heart and all will be well.

Your friends in addiction,

JTVAA

(ps. we're working on an acromyn but it's a little early in the day right now)

Pauline said...

Lynette ! You should be so lucky. I am much a fuss pot about having the beds done just so and the dishes always done etc.. my husband tells me that I am having "a Bree moment" when he says me staightening things !

I'd prefer to be Gabriella too... but i can only dream about that

heather said...

I did something stupid with your comments box and I think it's been lost but it was very a intelligent comment, probably the best comment I've ever written involving words like delayed, gratification and the fact that I've yet to watch DH so the names mean nothing yet.

Sarah Mackenzie said...

Ditto, ditto to all that. From my dad's home made toffee to the packet of Scottish shortbread (bought during the Franco-British week in LeClerc) I too am incapable of restraint. It ain't over till it's over. Every single crumb.

And, I have to say that you are a little responsible for the eye candy we are now over-indulging in - Grey's Anatomy. I think it was mentioned sometime, somewhere in your blog. Anyway, like a burr it stuck in my head and was reactivated on seeing the cover of Télé Magazine.

It's impossible to watch just one. On last night's eposide they were harvesting a brain dead man of his component parts. I think he kept his skin but we saw all the rest of the boucherie. This kind of "could have been me" horror and the cute doctor make it akin to the toffee. There's always room for more.

To make us feel better about it we are watching in French.

This has the happy effect of removing the guilt almost entirely but also makes me question why it is that I never seem to over indulge in study.

Good luck with Lost. I'm giving you a couple of days until you crack.

Lesley said...

The mysterious ways of Blogger meant that all of your comments arrived in my inbox at exactly the same time. Needless to say, I devoured them all in one go and now feel nicely satiated.

Lesley said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
deborah said...

Well, there is identifying with someone but also who you like best, two different things.

I think Susan very uninteresting and mutton dressed as lamb (n the part) not sure if she can act. Bree such a good actress and plays her part so well, can't stand her of course.
My favourite pair are Gabriel and Carlos, I don't need to identify, think they are so funny, and the actor who plays Carlos, brilliant.
Love the humour of it all. 27 episodes, Lesley? good, I'm sure we haven't seen them all yet.

Lesley said...

And another 23 in series 2 Deborah.

Neil said...

Enough with the Grey's Anatomy references.. series two has just started here! If this continues I'll have to reveal that

a) Series two of DH is very poor and

b) Jack and Kate's beach wedding in series three of Lost is the most touching since Jason & Kylie!

Lesley said...

NEIL!
Right that's it. When George rapes Meredith, McDreamy surgically castrates him with no antiseptic and no anaesthetic.
Oh and Izzy.... you don't still think she's a woman, do you?

Sarah Mackenzie said...

GEORGE RAPES MEREDITH?

Neil said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Take back that thing you said about Izzy... I'm getting seriously bad flashbacks to an "uncomfortable" evening in Bangkok!

Lesley said...

Sarah : He might........or he might not.

Neil : You had a sex change in Bangkok?

Neil said...

I might have......... or I might not!

ruth said...

you and my husband should get together. he seems to have been doing about the same - 4 back to back - while I have been away! meanwhile it's still 6 ft under for me.